Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
