She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I party with great urgency now.
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