Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
