ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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