I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
