my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
