so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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