So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
