just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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