Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
