dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
