Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
