I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
