i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
