Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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