Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
