I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
BRING THE BAGELS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
