I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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