drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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