i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want to make out with him forever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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