I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
