I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
