Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
that may or may not have been my penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
