im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
