Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
