if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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