win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
