remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
