My cat gives me a boner
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The uberlube is also flammable
My dick has a subreddit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
