either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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