My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can vaginas get frostbite?
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
