Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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