i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
