Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
