hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
