He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
