i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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