The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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