we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
