i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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