Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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