how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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