Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
