Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
only you would photoshop your dick
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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