it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
