i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i think my cat just said my name.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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