I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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