Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
