Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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