I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
do nipples grow back?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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