You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I want a musical about memes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
