thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
