No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
