it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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