just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
